asha.

Have you seenher seenher
      I haven't seen her I saw her last but I don't know when it was like
You know the
Context I can't find it

I've lost the context ? the text of con haha yes whatthefuckdoesthatmean funny funny.  missplaced yes missplaced.  I don't know where she went.  
         So she went? 
  Yes went went but I dontknow where haveyouseen where she wentwent?

No?  Why? 
    What do you mean she's gone.  so she just left.  got bored.  upandleft. 
 where?

I don't know really really I don't know
      look my hands are fiddling probably means I'm nervous so
                                 so where is she at?

She's there.  somewhere; I know; somewhere.  I think she's
 in hiding

from me yes from me of course don't be silly god.  she is small . she is
lovely.  her eyes I miss her eyes.  there's someone else a bit like that yes someone else
                ohh dangerous ohh exciting
 but its a small flavour of what years of chewing the other one gave me.  the dangerous one is a spice and the main one is a rocket.   har har ha boom.

Eyes, yes, eyeballs yes 'outposts of the brain', yes, I read that somewhere, I did, I read it.   don't you believe me? 
           Me neither I mean I can't prove I read it but its fucking there somewhere don't ask me how.
                    it annoys me because its there but I have no idea what there means.   Her eyes; yes I know you saw them too. 
But I saw them more.  I'd see them once and you'd see them like
a million times and I like would still have saw them more much more.  


Little one; her name was little one; that's what I called her.  I hugged her from behind.  She smiled.


I don't know where she is now or even who she's with probs some guy you know just a douche who doesn't have a heart and has
thick teeth and who she thinks she's found because
     she doesn't know
     what she needs.

I know what she needs though I do I do yeah it's me.  sounds silly I know very silly but
   you weren't there for it all.  six years six years six years is just a number just a number
   but it used to mean something to me.  I don't think you can compress six years of experience just into that one word like
' SIX YEARS'
I don't think it works its just a sound your tongue makes and your lips and stuff.  actually experiencing it is a whole different kettle of fish.  
   One look at her would though I just would like to see her again you know out and about even  I'd probably choke up out of pure overwhelment but you know I would know she's still alive and still  ya know
THERE.

Because she isn't there now she isn't anywhere.  I've lost her and can't find her.  I can't; I've looked high and low and she's just gone.  I tried calling to her to get her to me but it just doesn't work . I don't know where she went,

...maybe she ran off and found something and she's just happier there then back here with me who she walked to the woods with in the first place.
I want to see her though I think I need to what she's done to me is ridiculous.  #
I'm a babbling wreck.  
She has wedgied my reality with a latent psychosis and she knows she has but
     she knows what she's like to and she knows that she feels bad but also actually enjoys not coming back to me when I call, even though I was the one who brought her out here in the first place like
            it was me ya know
            it was fucking me
  the fact that she's here anyway it's because of
  me.

this is a long thought yes it's
    rather lengthy.  but then so is her story to me.  an infinite loop circling onto infinity  
  yeah they know that was kinda the point APRIORI
bastard
god
fucking THINK STRAIGHT.   bent thinking is bad no no no no no angles good angles not bent ones; the geometary of cognition
    is a vital thing so so
    hold onto it. 

the tear stains teardrops stains of tears god look at them they're going everywhere now;

my silent tears.  tears come from where I don't know where do you? where do yours come from? what noises do yours make; how do they taste.  mine are silent.  they don't make any noise at all, no, they're too sad.  they come from the world I think; it bubbles them up and belches them out for me and all to see and off they go drift and away and sigh to see a different day.  I see her and I can't breathe.

I'm not sure asphyxiation
   yes
   yes I feel suffocated but overwhelmed I'm sure
   she's dead bad for me
   I know she is.  She is kind of like a
  drug really a
  drug I need and want and get all
  fucked
     up
      over and would be a
   hundred times better off without
 yesyes addiction; I think probably neurophysiology would dictate similarly to drug addiction, I bet it would, I bet it would.  Look, test, touch my brain, poke it; its brainy and squidges.

I touched her brain.  We swapped for a while; pink liquid all changing over and
fucking
   going everywhere;
it was a bit gory tobefair, but ultimately I think
  ultimately worth the sacrifice. 

I got to know her and now I see what she sees. 


It was great when I was with her but she's kind of gone now and I feel like I've been left on my own.

A half is almost a whole, almost, but it cant fend for itself; it needs its other one to survive and thrive and shit.  I can't do any of this without the missing half, and she's just fine with it; her half is tougher than mine; beast. 

She's not very tough though not very tough like
  I know
  I know I
   remember how she
  talked and what she was
  like I know its there its IN MY HEAD but
 not here and it
 should
 be cos the world is in my head anyway so why isn't she here if she's IN THERE
 FUCKING IN THERE. 
 COME OUT.  

teeth and hair and skin and nose and other stuff and bits and things. 
                                                               where are her ingredients? 


  where are her ingredients 

            to COOK yes fucking cooking  boilboil bubbles and stuff

Where is my little one?